the big debate

Lance and I debated back and forth about the pros and cons to continuing on with our 8th and supposedly final IUI.  We've been going through this fertility battle for the past 18 months and although that isn't as long as other people we know, it's been eternity for us.  Many people wait 12+ months before seeking help from a doctor, we however only waited 4 months... so 14 months of meeting with doctors, being poked and prodded, everything needing to occur like clock work and trying to fit all of these appointments into our hectic schedule = overwhelming. 

Lance suggested skipping on the 8th IUI and just taking the medications.  In this option we would be guarenteed that I would ovulate monthly on a day between 14-16, so we could gauge everything based off of that.  It would only cost is $15 instead of $1000... so it was most definitely a good option.

Another option was to proceed with the 8th IUI as the doctor suggested.  With having already spent thousands of dollars this year and seeing no result we weren't to fond of the idea of disappointment.  Yet again.

The last option was to stop all together.  To stop the nagging clock of fertility and to just breath for a little while, drug free and doctor free.

I was originally set on stopping for a few months after our 6th IUI and waiting until around FEB to begin our In Vitro.  With the doctor suggesting to continue on with 2 more IUIs this plan ultimately fell through. 

I went to work on Wednesday morning and was of course greeting by my period.  I battled all day within my head and outloud with my co-worker who also goes to the same fertility doctor.  He was showing me pictures of his son who was born last week and telling me to press through with in vitro because this is the result. a baby.  Still not being able to make a definite answer about proceeding with our final IUI I called Lance and we began to debate again.  I originally suggested we continue with the last IUI, but not tell anyone (sorry!).  While I am comfortable talking to everyone about it, it does get stressful when 20+ people ask me when am I going to know if I'm pregnant or not... and especially stressful when I have to go back and answer to each individual that I am NOT pregnant.    We decided that since this insemination wouldn't occur until the new year we would be able to afford the procedure.

I called the clinic at 3:30 pm to set my time for my baseline ultrasound for the following day.  They usually call back before they close, but for some reason they didn't.  I spent the majority of Thursday morning wondering if the reason why they didn't call was a sign that we shouldn't go through with it.  Finally at about noon they called and the nurse apologized for not calling sooner.  She also regretted to inform me that there weren't any appointments available at their Murray branch, and the only appointments available in Pleasant Grove was on Friday at 1:45 and 2:30.  Since I was scheduled to work at Primary Childrens at 2:30 there was no way I could make my appointment that takes 30-45 minutes... and make the 40 minute drive back up to Salt Lake City.  I told the nurse I would decide and call her back. 

It was right then that the decision was made.  I was not going to continue with my 8th and final IUI. 

There was still the debate as to whether or not we were going to continue with the medication or not.  Friday I headed down to fort union to do some last minute shopping knowing I could refill my prescription (and needed to that day or else this month was a bust).  I got there and had this feeling just to skip it. So I did.

I am currently hormone and drug free. Having no plans of continuing with any intrauterine inseminations and content with my decision. 

I'm not sure if it was the right decision, but it was the decision that's been made. 

Maybe sometime in the future we will go back and investigate the process of in vitro.  Maybe it'll be in 2 months. Maybe 6 months.  Maybe a year from now.  For now I am trying to learn to enjoy where I am and what I've been blessed with.  A wonderfully supportive amazing, and gorgeous husband.  Two very hyper and crazy puppies.  Being able to pursue my dreams of being a nurse and being finished with nursing school in just 4 short months! The blessing of having a job and working with amazingly supportive friends.  The blessing of being able to build our dream house in our dream location. Being healthy, having a wonderful family, and especially having the knowledge of the gospel.