As the day progressed at work I was just excited to go home and spend the day with my husband. I was also anticipating Mother's day (or the day after to be more specific) because it would be on the day after that Lance and I could possibly find out that I will be a mom. What a great Mother's Day present! Right? For whatever reason, however, I did find out that I will not, be a mother, at least 9 months from Mother's Day.
While at work I tried to compose myself enough to not start bawling at my little corner cubby computer. I tried to be the happy and optimistic self I had been just a mere few minutes before, but all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball (partially because of cramps) and cry with a big bowl of ice cream.
I spend the next 4 hours of my shift staring at facebook looking at the posts dedicated to mothers, and soon to be mommys- angry.
Since everything that was
I understand that this wasn't guarenteed to work the first time, and that it might take 3-6 times for it to work, but after KNOWING it didn't work I'm a little bitter thinking about the medical bill associated with the 'failed' procedure (that isn't covered by insurance at all).
-- Today while at Target I saw this beautiful black curly haired baby wrapped up in the arms of a beautiful brown haired white lady. It was then I thought, maybe that will be me one day. What will Lance and I do if we continue with IUI and it doesn't work? In vitro? Adoption? and when and can we even afford it? --
I started Femara (my fertility medication) day one today. 4 more days, then wait another weeka and I guess we will see if round two of IUI will be successful.